


Dear Gabriel

by Blacksun321



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Adam is a good younger brother, Alternet Universe no supernatural elements, Angst, Bobby is the real father of the Winchesters, Castiel try's to help, Charile is a terrible at setting up dates, Dean is a good older brother, Ellen is there bad ass mother, Emtional Numbness, F/F, F/M, Gadreel is a nice guy, Getting over the death of a loved one, Joanna is a good friend, Lucifer is insane, M/M, Major character death - Freeform, Mentions of Suicide, Michael is a dick, Past talk of Drug abuse, Ruby is a better person, Sam is not okay, letters to the dead
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-06-02
Updated: 2017-06-22
Packaged: 2018-11-08 03:29:46
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death, Underage
Chapters: 3
Words: 1,005
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11073138
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Blacksun321/pseuds/Blacksun321
Summary: GabrielI'm writing this letter, because I don't feel anything, anymore. But when you were here, the world wasn't confusing and I wasn't numb. So I thought ' hey maybe if I could talk to you I would feel something.'But you're not here and I'll never get to talk to you again.But Maybe for a while I can pretend.( Gabriel dies and Sam starts writing him letters)“ON HIATUS INDEFINITELY”





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Welcome to my first AU angst fanfic and if you haven't guessed yet yes Sam is writing letters to a dead Gabriel. it's super sad and Gabriel will be staying dead. so if came for a fic were Sam and gabe build or are in a relationship sorry this is not that type of story.
> 
> Why Im writing something so sad we'll I've been feeling a little a depressed lately. Depression is something I struggle with often and may struggle with for the rest of my life. I've excepted this but that doesn't make the drepression any less easy to deal with. So this fic is a way to work threw these feelings I have and also put out an idea I've want to write for a long time.
> 
> So Dear Gabriel was born and don't worry this fic won't be all angst and drepression it will have its fluff and good feels just as much as it will have soul crushing pain. But again this a fic about thoughts of suicide and drepression if you can't handle it don't put yourself through the pain of reading it. I'd did that once with really sad fic and I was mopping for days.
> 
> I hope you enjoy. (:

Dear. Gabriel 

You died on a Monday.

And I finally get why people hate it so much. Because before I never got it you know..

It was just another day, color coded and given a name. That sat in everyones lives, that some people made seem terrible. Maybe, it was because people considered it the beginning of a new week. But I didn't get that either, if it was A beginning people should see it as an opportunity, to start over to start fresh.

Now? I see why people really can hate a random day so much. Its because though Monday means renewal, it also means continuation. And isn't that ironic, because on the day of continuation, of renewal and rebirth, you were taken from it.

And now Monday's, have an intire new meaning for me. It is not a time for reflection, for starting over and fixing mistakes. It is a continuation to remind me, that I must continue without you. That every Monday I wake up, and I have to realize, you're never coming home. 

And I have to continue, have to force myself to live, and it drags open my soul. I never understood before, how living could hurt so much. How continuation was not a blessing, but a curse. Slowly wearing us down, till there is nothing left but dust and sand. I feel like I am nothing left but dust and sand, and yet I continue.

I don't feel alive anymore.

I don't feel anything anymore.

Is this not death? is this not the way it was prescribed, and described in so many teachings? Then how am I still here? Why am I not with you in that grave? Why do I feel as if my body continues but my soul has already left?

I don't understand anything anymore, everything is upside down and lopsided; things my mind cannot comprehend. It is as if your death has caused the loss of my eyesight, and my balance. Everything confuses me now, because before it had meaning and now? it is nothing.

I'm writing this letter on a Monday, because I can not pull myself to Leave my room. I think that maybe? I'll just stay here and not continue. In this world that no longer makes sense, and I am already dead in.

But Dean would come, and he would make me continue, and Cas would by right be his side. And they would kick me out of bed. And make me if nothing else? Go through the motions of living.

I know this because, they've been doing that a lot lately. When I just want to stop, to feel the pull of time, and join you as dust and sand. They keep me forcibly, from that edge.

I guess I should feel grateful, or annoyed. But I don't really feel much of anything, anymore.

I'm just kind of numb, but I was never numb when you were here; And I thought. ' hey, maybe if I could talk to you, I won't feel so numb anymore'.

I don't know if I do really, because you're still gone, and in the end? This is just a piece of paper, that no ones going to read.

But at least for a while, I guess I get to pretend.

I miss you.  
Sam


	2. Tipping Point

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this chapter is so short the next one I promise will be longer and go in to detail about the world these letters are based in. If it feels werid and disjointed good that what I was going for Sam a mess a little crazy and a lot drunk of course his sentences would be disjointed.  
> And if you're wondering to yourself how a drunk person writing could be so clean with no mistakes just think of this as a translation of what the real letter to Gabriel would have been like.
> 
> Hope you enjoy the chapter (:

Dear. Gabriel 

I think I'm dying.

Or I'm drunk

The first would be preferable, but drunkenness seems to be the more likely.

After all I am writing to you again, not only that. But my attempts at suicide, have been met with intervention at every turn. With Cas and Dean continually watching over my shoulder, its not a surprise I haven't slipped off into a pill bottle or a razer blade.

No what is surprising, is the fact that they left their eyes off of me long enough, to become so drunk as to think it would be a good idea, to write to you. And I know I'll probably regret writing to you tomorrow. Because Im at the point were the room spins slowly, and a light sort of numbness is creeping into my limbs.

It's my tipping point, as you used to call it, Right before I hit the black out stage. But I'm still cognizant enough to write, even fucking drive a car. Thats me when I'm drunk, I'm either tipsy or all the way. There's no in between, but you already know all this don't you, so why am I writing this out huh?

Maybe I'm crazy? I'm finally going mad, losing my marbles, because the stars are black, space is white and reality tastes purple.

Is this what your death is my tipping point? Because everywhere I go I see your face. To everyone that is trying to help me, I feel your life. And every moment till Monday, is me feeling as if I'm waiting for my fucking execution. Is reality like sobriety a wagon, that I may choose to fall off of and never return to? 

I think I'm insane.

Or I'm drunk.

And right now? both seem likely.

I miss you  
Sam


	3. Authors note

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Going on hiatus

Chapter Text

I want to apologize to everyone who has been expecting a chapter out but I have to go on hiatus for a while my family life is consuming my time not to mention my job is sucking all my creative ideas away and writing has some how turned form Something I enjoy to a anxiety trip that has me in a panic attack.

I can't keep writing working and stay connected to my family I'm a tried mess so until my life calms down and I can actually write a paragraph with out question all my life choices I'll pick this back up

 

Thank you for reading this story and I hope you understand why I have to take a break.

Ps. In the mean while I will be posting old one shots I finished a long time ago till Im off vacation time so look out for those.

**Author's Note:**

> Ps. I don't own supernatural if I did Destiel would have been adressed by now.


End file.
